My Birthday Wishlist

Okay, I know I've been posting a lot in the past... 2 hours. But I have missed out all week! I felt I didn't have anything blog worthy to write about (not that I know very many people read these anyway, but oh well!) 

But! My birthday is in one week and then I will be the big 21!!! Yay finally legal to be.. well, me! 

This year for my birthday, I really want a full body pregnancy pillow. One that can be used as a pillow for me, as well a helpful nursing support when Lydia is born. Kind of like hitting two birthday presents in one! One for me and one for her. That way it'll be so helpful while I nurse. This one is $44.95 - probably the most expensive birthday present I have ever been given (if I do get it. :) )

compliments of Amazon.com. Sorry she's rocking an 80s do ;)

And secondly, I have been missing this for far too long!!!! Pink Sugar Perfume! Nothing has been able to compare or take its place. Everything else comes second best, so I really want a bottle of Pink Sugar! I always wore it in Alaska and it was the perfect smell. So this is what I want. :) It sucks cause it's about $20 bucks or more for a 1 oz bottle, and over 30 for a 3 oz. I don't really care what amount as long as I get some. 

compliments of amazon.com. Mmmm yummy

And.....after seeing everyone post about having just bought Tangled, I want it toooo!!!

Now that...should be it.. :)

I love Grandma!

So, since Jonathan had a "Super Saturday" thing for Pinnacle Security in Salt Lake City, and our good friends were going to visit their in-laws in Nephi, they asked if I wanted to ride with them to Payson and visit my Grandma instead of staying home by myself for the weekend. It was a long drive, and felt good to finally get to Grandma's.
We stayed up the first night and talked for a good 2 hours before she headed to bed. She told me of how before she was born, her uncle came back to Norway and gave her older sister a baby blessing and promised in there that she "would be a mother in Zion." So that is what their family always talked about cause that's what they mostly remembered, how Mary would be a good mother in Zion. And my grandma was so jealous and all her life she wanted to be a good mother in Zion. Well, years later, when they came to America (I believe it was, at 21yrs) that same uncle gave her a get well blessing when she was sick, and in there promised that she would be a good mother in Israel. She said she was finally relieved and happy that she had been blessed with that because her whole life that is all that she ever wanted to be - a good mother in Zion. I thought that was very noble of her.
Then I talked to my aunt for a few more hours before I finally fell asleep (which I really wanted to do earlier due to headaches/exhaustion.. but it's hard to pass up treasured time with loved ones).  I had a pretty crummy night after I woke up to go potty at 5am. My legs were feeling restless/throbbing (plus sleeping alone was unusual) so I tried for 3 hours before I finally fell back asleep. And then woke up at noon (oops!). Grandma told me to lay in bed (the air mattress) as long as I wanted and that it was okay, so I didn't feel quite so bad. :)

The rest of the day I hung out with my Aunt, Lilly. She had some friends up from BYU-Hawaii she knew were in town that were going to the Festival of Colors. Only... we didn't know it was going on. I guess they have it at the Radna Krishnas Temple at Spanish Fork, which we were originally going to go tour, but then we noticed the masses of "colored-looking" people - orange, purple, green, pink CHALKED faces/bodies. And decided we'd meet the friends somewhere.. a little less messy. Had we known, we might've planned for that adventure and would have NOT showered. But it wasn't something we were really hyped up on doing either. Later we came back and talked with Grandma for a while, and my other aunt came home. So we all chatted - mostly about my Grandpa and the days leading up to his death. Well, they chatted, I listened. And later that evening they wrote thank you cards to all the people who helped with the funeral.

Sunday I went to my Grandma's ward for Sacrament meeting, which I think had a perfect theme to it. The topic of the talks were on overcoming your trials/burdens. Very appropriate especially for the past few weeks and all that has been happening. I was pretty tired when I came home, since I didn't get really good sleep that night (I decided to try the couch instead to see if that would help, but I took a baby nap while they wrote thank-yous and ended up waking up right when they wanted to go to bed.. Perfect) BUT when we came home my Grandma decided to talk to me about her life growing up, which I cannot pass. She's such an awesome lady! She told me stories of when she was really little in Norway, and how her father, whom she couldn't remember very well because he drowned at sea when she was 2, gave her older sister a dolly with open and closing eyes..and then gave her a brown monkey. lol And how for the longest time she wanted a dolly with eyes that opened and closed! Finally, years later in America, when Grandpa was courting her, he finally bought her a doll that opened and closed her eyes. And she still has it!
She also talked about back in the day when cigarettes were really popular and coming out, that her and her siblings found an empty sliding cigarette box on the ground and decided to make a camera out of it by cutting two holes and coloring them green and red where the slider slid - green meant the camera was ready to shoot. And all the neighborhood children would come around to get their "picture taken." And then her sister would draw them the picture and hand it to them. Too funny. She also told me of when they'd take long walks down the street, and she knew that you could buy 2 pieces of candy for 1 penny. So her and her sister would beg and beg her mother for a penny (they would start while they were far enough away, so she would end up digging in her purse the closer they got), but as soon as they got close enough to the store, her older sister would say, "No, Ruth! hard candy rots your teeth and isn't healthy for your stomach" And then her mom would drop her penny back in the purse and they'd walk on. I just HAD to laugh. She said they'd do that every time they'd walk down that road near the candy shop in hopes her mother would give in. But they never could get any candy! lol Guess momma was too hard to convince.
Oh man, now I'm rambling about Grandma's stories! I just love hearing them. I was really tired and needed a nap, but I couldn't shut my eyes while she was telling me stories of her favorite pasttimes. She then asked me if I remembered any memories growing up and I told her a few. And then she told me a really funny one (which I won't really mention on here cause I'm not sure if it's totally appropriate) but it is really funny. You can ask me lol. I laughed so hard and I didn't even know that happened. Usually my mom tells me funny things that happened as a kid, but I never heard this one.

Sigh... anyways. I finally took a nap, we had lasagna for an early dinner, then we all talked some more and my friends came to pick me up. But they got entrapped by Grandma, and she invited them in to the room with all the family history and old photos on the wall. And they ended up staying for a good 30-40 minutes just talking. Grandma loves telling stories. :)

I really liked being with my Grandma. I know she has a hard time without Grandpa, and especially while her kids (my aunts) leave to go out and she is all alone. That is the hardest for her. So I'm glad I got to spend some time with her. But I also missed my hunny!! It felt so good to be back in his arms and sleeping in the same bed with him, by my side. I can't imagine how Grandma feels without hers, especially being with him for so long. But I admire her, cause she is so strong, and even during the tough times, and the memories that would bring me to tears if I told them, she doesn't cry and she continues. My grandparents are the best. They had so much love for each other and loved everyone so much. I'm so lucky. 

Qualify, Seek, Act

Yikes! It's the 28th! I haven't written anything in soo long! ;)
Last week went pretty well, despite the negative things that took place back in Alaska (2 deaths of NPHS alumni). I didn't know them very well, besides Melisa who was in the musicals/choir class with me. But it was still pretty sad since they died in a car accident due to icy roads and not wearing a seatbelt. Sad! You can never be too careful with your life!

But anyway, Thursday night we went on a double date with our friend who hasn't been seriously dating anyone since he's been here (tragic, I know lol). But we hooked him up with Jonathan's friend from english class (who he knew a little bit, so it wasn't a blind date haha) and we played putt putt golf and bowling and just hung out and talked. It was pretty fun. They both seem like they're in to each other, so hope everything works out! I'm just glad things went successfully because instead of our friend always hanging out with Jonathan, III WIILLLL get to hang out and spend more time with Jonathan! Which I've missed, oh so much!! :D
When we got home, it was close to midnight and I got a text from our RS president. I figured it'd be too late to text back. She wanted to know if I could babysit for a girl who is sick in the ward. Which is what I'm coming up to next. ...


She texted me at 8pm (and I had left my phone at home) so when Jonathan left for class on friday morning at 730, I texted her back. I almost didn't, but could feel the Spirit prompting me to text her just in case. I thought she might've found somebody by then, but I realized the only girl she could find was gonna babysit and then end up late for work. Even though I was super tired, I volunteered to babysit the girl's little girl from 930-11a. While getting ready all I could think of was Because I have been given much, I too must give. And the fact that we just had a Relief Society lesson on Service. But I was glad I texted back and was able to help. I've babysat before and the girl (I don't like calling her a lady or woman, it sounds too old for someone who lives in Rexburg with a 2 year old girl! lol) who is sick has hyperemesis - meaning she throws up a lot during pregnancy. Poor girl is so tiny and fragile! She can't even pick up her 2 year old or clean or vacuum because she is so weak. So it felt really good coming over and helping, even just for 2 hours. I'm glad I listened to the Spirit.


Later that day while I was thinking about it I thought of Sister Julie Beck and how her constant theme whenever she talks is about qualifying, seeking for, and acting upon personal revelation/and the Spirit. And it felt good/relieving to know that I was able to hear that prompting (even though I was somewhat tempted to ignore it) and then act upon it. I'm sure it wasn't super life changing in the eyes of the girl I helped, but it was for me. :)


Glad I got me some PR!

Simmer down on Jimmer

Not that all my posts have been ooberly depressing lately or anything ;).. They weren't intended to be, but what else do you expect from an online journal? Right? Here's something new and refreshing. Hope you're not an intense Jimmer fan.. and try to forgive me if you are...

I know BYU basketball is doing great right now, performing miracles, and yadda yadda yadda. But one thing I can't stand is how everyone worships Jimmer Fredette. "You got Jimmered," "Fredette about it" and various other phrases with his name in it drive me crazy. I think his name alone drives me crazy. It's not Jim, it's not Jimmy... it's JIMMER.. Sounds like a type of car... like Hummer. Hmmm maybe that's what I'll name my next kid... NOT!

Anyway, I just think it's silly how almost every facebook status from a BYU fan, after a winning game, talks about Jimmer in it as if he's a solo player against 5 other opposing team members. It takes more than 1 person to make a team and Jimmer (gosh I hate saying his name lol) can't score without everybody else, yet he's the only person I hear about.

Oh wait, I heard about Brandon Davies.. if that counts............ not. 

Not to mention, Jonathan found out that out of all the team members who did, Jimmer was the only one who did NOT serve a mission. And someone commenting on the site we found it on said he could "probably do more missionary work, like Steve Young, by not serving a mission." What? With every slam dunk, somebody is baptized into the Church? I don't think so. I guess when the Prophet says to go serve a full time mission, he really doesn't mean it if you have a career ahead of you in the NBA. Yeah right.

So all you Jimmer lovers out there, sorry if I offended you. Continue on with your Jimmer fever. 

It didn't stop Justin Beiber fans.

{Maybe I'm just bitter cause I don't like basketball in general..}

Long crazy week...

~Soo.. what's been new?~

I don't really remember what we did on Monday, but Tuesday I went to my best friend and her sister's joint baby shower (since they're only 10 weeks a part) and then right after we drove from Rexburg to Payson at 830pm and got in at almost 2am. Got up around 7am on Wednesday and had the viewing of my Grandfather at 930-10, the family prayer at 1040, and then the funeral service at 11, went to the burial spot where it was dedicated by my uncle, who is a chaplain, and then back to the church for a little lunch. We tried to take a nap back at my Grandma's house before leaving but it was pretty busy. Only got about 15 minutes in before we took our 5 hour drive back to Rexburg, since Jonathan had classes at 745 in the morning {ew}. Sooo all in all I've been pretty tired. I think I'm still trying to catch up on sleep. Naps aren't really helping cause then I end up waking up in the middle of the night. And I just found out my grandpa's brother just died today a few hours ago. HECTIC. 2 funerals in 2 weeks is not ideal. So stressfull, not to mention painful on the heart for all their loved ones! I didn't know my great uncle very well, who passed away, but if he's a brother to my grandpa, he must have been a good man, as well!

 {Side By Side, Hand In Hand, Heart To Heart}

I was doing fine at the funeral, until the guy directing the viewing announced the relatives to wish him their last goodbyes or wishes before they close the casket for the last time. My grandma was first, and when she turned around she was sobbing. I could NOT handle that and that's when the water works started for me. I was a mess. My mom couldn't be there, so Jonathan nudged at me and told me to go up, for her. I was the last one and when I got up, I touched his hand and (trying to quietly sob) said, "Mommy loves you" and sat back down. Ughhh, so emotional! It's crazy how much you can miss a person! That was probably the hardest for me. But there were so many wonderful and nice things said during the service. And all the grandkids/great grandkids sang I Am A Child of God. The things said about Grandpa made both me and Jonathan want to repent, of even just the little things, and become better - be like he was - amazing. His mansion above is definitely prepared for him.

~On a different note~

 I think my little bun in the oven is really cooking because I am getting more and more exhausted each day, even when I do the little simple things, like washing dishes or doing the laundry. I feel like I have to take a nap right after. I almost feel like I'm not even doing anything worthy to be so tired, but then have to remember I'm making a baby! Gotta give this body of mine some credit haha.

We actually went to the doctor yesterday as just part of the monthly routine. Funny story. So I guess another lady named Anna came in before I did and they checked her in as me. So when I check in, the receptionist is like, I can't find you.. and then the other guy helps her and she's like, ohh I guess you're already checked in. Weird.

So I sit down like normal. The CNA girl calls me back and we do vital signs, except their computers are going wonky so they can't actually put any info in. She ends up writing my name on a urine cup Anna Stevons lol. (I let her know it was wrong) Then she takes me to a room. (I can kind of sympathize with them because I know how well we all depended on our computers at the UAF health center). We were waiting there for about 20 minutes for the doc to come in (I guess they were leaving sticky notes on doors who had patients in them since they lacked their computers) and the girl comes back in and says, "our computers are working now, but since you're here because of depression we have to get a few more vitals"... I started laughing and said I'm not depressed! She was like, "oh.. you're not?? Oh, well then I guess we don't need this." lol And walked back out.. then a few minutes came back and said, "you sure you're not here for depression?" I smiled and said "nope! Not depressed haha." She apologized and said they'd get things straightened out. Soo finally my doctor comes in and the first thing I said to him was, "I'm not depressed! Haha". He started laughing. Apparently, the girl they checked in as me was a different woman who was there for depression. I swear! Why doesn't the front office ask for a LAST name, instead of just saying, "Oh, you're Anna, you must be here for an OB appointment? Or you must be here for depression?" So silly! But I love that office there, the people are so friendly, so it was just a goofy misunderstanding.

ANYWAY, the baby is doing good. Doc said my stomach looks the right size and the baby's heart beat is 160bpm. He gave me some red fluid {with 50 grams of sugar!!} that I have to drink next time so they can check for gestational diabetes and I asked him about the tingling on the outside of my left hip that happens when I lay on either side. He said it was probably a pinched nerve in my back. Looks like I'm reeeeally gonna have to invest in some pillows now! lol

Well, that's about it.Crazy busy and stressful times. I was glad to see my family in Utah, even if the reunion was for a funeral. It was a wonderful service. My grandpa loved many, and is loved by even more.

My Grandpa was the bomb.com

I know I've talked a lot about my Grandpa the last few days, but he is awesome. This was his obituary they made for him in the Daily Herald. 25 Great-Grandchildren! And mine gets to be # 26! So proud of him and his posterity! I looove my family! 

Leslie H. Campbell

                           

          1924 ~ 2011

Leslie Hazelton Campbell died March 12, 2011 at Mountain View Hospital in Payson, Utah surrounded by his family. He fought a good fight against cancer for the past five years; however, he lapsed into a coma two weeks ago and passed away Saturday afternoon.
Leslie was born October 19, 1924 to Raleigh Helaman and Effie Ballantyne Campbell. He married Ruth, his wife of 62 years on his birthday October 19, 1949 in the LDS Temple in Salt Lake City.
Leslie has been a faithful and active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints all of his life. He served in Stake High Councils, in Bishoprics, and numerous other church callings. He served in many Ward and Stake missions, and a full-time mission to Norway with his wife Ruth. He was always a diligent home teacher and loved serving the Lord.
Leslie was preceded in death by his parents, four brothers and three sisters; Son-in-law, Timothy Holder; three grandchildren, Lenora Wiebold, Kelsey Campbell, and Benjamin Campbell; one great-grandchild, Jonathan Holder Jr..
Leslie is survived by his wife Ruth Karin Campbell and nine children: Rose-Mary and Mark Wiebold of Fairbanks, Alaska; Dennis and Pam Campbell of Beaufort, North Carolina; Eileen and Byron Miller of Provo, Utah; Dolores Holder of Payson, Utah; Leslie and Penny Campbell of Anchorage, Alaska; Bruce and Susie Campbell of Mapleton, Utah; Sylvia and Paul Stefan of North Pole, Alaska; Gilbert and Kristi Campbell of Palmer, Alaska; and Lilly and Bill Simpson of Apple Valley, Utah. He has 48 grandchildren and 25 great grandchildren. He is also survived by two brothers James Vern and David Campbell, and three sisters Doris Titensore, Dorthy Ormond, and Eve Chavalis.
Leslie worked as a commercial fisherman and master carpenter. He took great pride in his work and taught all four sons his carpenter skills. He lived in Seattle, Washington and Fairbanks, Alaska the majority of his life. He loved the outdoors, especially hunting in Alaska. He worked on the initial construction of the Eielson Air Force Base, the reconstruction of Kodiak after the 1964 earthquake and subsequent tidalwave, the Alyeska Alaska pipeline, and the oil fields at Prudhoe Bay on the North Slope of Alaska.
The Campbell family home in Fairbanks became the headquarters for the family activities for many years. It was built as a family project and became a landmark in the area. Dad got numerous awards for the flower garden surrounding the home, often featured in the local papers.
The family wishes to thank the staff at Mountain View Hospital and the John Huntsman Cancer Center and the many other caregivers including the members of the Spring Lake 5th ward for the love, help, support and wonderful care they gave their dad the past few years and especially the past couple of weeks.
Funeral services will be Wednesday, May 16, 2011, 11:00 a.m. in the Spring Lake 5th Ward Chapel, 546 West 1750 South, Payson. Friends may call at the Walker Mortuary, 587 South 100 West, Payson, Tuesday, 6-8:00 p.m or at the church Wednesday, 9:30-10:40 a.m. Burial will be in the Payson City Cemetery.
Condolences may be sent to the family at: www.walkerfamilymortuary.com

My Grandparent's Famous Norwegian Pancakes :)

So, in honor of my Grandpa, and in memory of his life, since today was the day he passed away, I decided to make my grandparent's famous Norwegian pancakes for breakfast. He always made them for us when we were little and came over. It's kind of odd because today I haven't felt as bad as the rest of the week (and I talked to my mom and neither has she) which is good. She said she handled it much better than expected and even got to hear on the phone, the priesthood blessing of release they gave to him before they let him go. I probably felt the worst on Wednesday when I heard that they were going to let him go this weekend and knowing I couldn't come down was heartbreaking. But I am all better now.

Even though we may suffer temporarily, he will never have to again.

Some people think that Norwegian pancakes are like crepes.. but they are not! ..these.. are cooler ;) 

Ingredients: 

2-3 eggs (I chose 3)

1/4 cup of sugar

1 tsp of salt

1-2 tbsp of vanilla (depending on how flavorful you want it - I just poured it in and didn't measure)

1-2 cups of milk (again I just poured)

1-2 cups of flour (same as above)

I actually didn't measure anything out this time. The recipe is a little tricky - you kinda just add flour and milk as you go to get it right. It shouldn't be too liquidy but also should not be lumpy. It should be the right consistency of liquidy and lumpy haha.. if that helps.(updated: It should be runny, but have clumps in it, if that makes sense). When I asked my mom for the recipe a while ago she said she always guesses. So that's what I did and they turned out fine. Just use a whisk and your brain and you should be fine.

Don't forget to spray the pan! And make sure your pan is pretty hot!

The way I make it is, first:  pour batter - I usually pour and turn the pan in a circular motion at the same time so the batter gets everywhere - although here I was taking a picture so I didn't capture the moment! They're not like traditional pancakes that just stick right when you pour it so they get bigger when you spread it.

 

I make sure to turn the pan so the extra batter goes everywhere - that way they're thin and crispy

  

When you start to see it get dry on top, flip it. You can keep flipping til you get it the way you like it. 

Either way, it should come out looking kind of like a tortilla. A soft yummy one with crispy edges.

 

What I like to do is butter it, add a bit of powdered sugar, and roll it up like a tube. Cut in the middle and enjoy! (Updated: also tastes good with fruit or jam!)

 

It may not be the healthiest breakfast, but it sure is nummy!!! And definitely a change from everyday flapjacks. 

 

They also taste good with jam or syrup or anything really. I sometimes eat it plain while I wait for the next one! 

Love you Grandpa! Thanks for the inspiration! We will always remember you!

Goodbye, Grandpa...

So.. tomorrow is the day. 

They're taking my Grandpa off the oxygen and then his carbon monoxide levels will go up and his ph level will go down and essentially he will stay asleep and pass on.

It has been really hard for all my relatives, especially my aunt, who is his youngest daughter. She keeps us posted on Facebook and some of the things she says about him makes my heart break. 

But I feel the worst for my mother

Out of all 9 kids that he has, she is the only one who cannot make it to say goodbye or go to the funeral. All of the other children were able to fly in to say goodbye, but (living in Alaska) she doesn't have enough money to pay for a flight down and all the flights were booked this weekend, so she is stuck mourning for her father at home, without the support of her Campbell family. 

I feel soo terrible for her. She will never have any true closure and she can't be around her mother or brothers and sisters during these hard times. I think the hardest thing is saying goodbye for all of us. We know we have to do it and we know it will be better for him, but it is so hard for us. We know he will be pain free, but the most pain comes from the people he will have to leave behind. He was an amazing person - funny, super hard working - the ideal Father and Grandfather (and Great-Grandfather).

My only regret is that we didn't spend more time with him. I wish I had. It pains me to think that we could've stayed longer, but we didn't. But we got to say goodbye when he could understand us

and that I am thankful for.

Please tell the ones you love (near and far) how much you truly love them. Don't wait until it is too late before you express your gratitude for them, and how much you love them! 

And be thankful you are alive today!

'Til We Meet Again

My grandpa was doing so well up until yesterday.. and then he had some internal GI bleeding and has started to get worse. He isn't improving so they (including him) have decided to take him off the machines and let him go.

I don't know why it's so hard for me. I read a quote in the past from a general authority who said, "When you cry at a funeral, you're only crying for yourself." Basically meaning, those who pass on are obviously in a better place, resting, at peace, and in no pain and when you cry it's for your own self pity and sorrow. But it's so hard not to mourn.. when you didn't really get to spend a lot of time with them. It was painful to see him bound by oxygen masks and tubes last week and I know it is not fair to keep him alive like this, even if he is alert and awake.

He certainly will be missed by all of his family - children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. I'm so thankful for the gospel that gives me the knowledge that I will be able to see him again, without pain. I love you Grandpa. You are so loved and missed! God be with you 'til we meet again.

Generations Linked In Love

So, we got to visit my Grandparents and other relatives who made the trip to Payson, Utah, on Friday-Saturday. I can remember going to their house in Fairbanks to play in their nice yard and other visits we had when my mom would take us over. But I haven't truly appreciated them until these last few months when I've got to spend more quality time, particularly as an adult, with them..realizing just how much I miss them and am lucky to have them still alive.

We got to Grandma's house at 9pm-ish and hung out and talked and caught up on life. Grandma told Jonathan and Jeff (who drove us) about her brothers who served in World War II and how one of them had to be in a concentration camp. She also told us about how the Germans bombed their house in Norway and how they had to live in a barn afterward. She said by the time she was 6 years old she was already working to help out the family by peeling potatoes to make money. And she soo wished she could go to school. She said by the time she was 16 she saved up the money that she had from working so that she could go to school and she still wishes til this day that she could continue school forever because she has a love for learning. She said when she graduated from the UAF with her degree she got one B (as a final grade) and she was in her words, devastated. She said she tried reasoning with her teacher but to no avail. That was her only B in her entire life. Ohh if only we all had an attitude like that about our education and took it as more of a blessing instead of hindering to our life. I admire her for that.

We spent the night in the downstairs, had breakfast, and then headed over to the Payson MoutainView Hospital to visit poor sick Grandpa. It is definitely more empty at the house without him..and I miss his funny jokes and attitude. We got to go in 2 by 2 to visit him. He was on the bed hooked up to what seemed like a zillion tubes with an oxygen mask (called a cpap mask) covering most of his face besides his eyes. His poor sad eyes. I felt so terrible. Especially when Jonathan pointed out that tears were coming from his eyes. Broke my heart. He has to keep the mask on because his lungs aren't strong enough to expel the carbon monoxide, like when a normal person breathes out, and a low oxygen level (or too much carbon monoxide in the blood) can kill a person. So he has this mask on that constantly blows oxygen into his mouth/nose, which also dries his mouth out. So the nurse feeds him ice chips because he's on a feeding tube. The ventilator tubes scratch up his throat so it's hard for him to talk (and he can't talk with that mask on anyway). And on top of that his hearing aids are taken out and so he can only hear out of one ear - if you shout.. which I'm terrible at. But Grandma said on Thursday he told her that he loved her.

Me and Jonathan were the first in and we held his hands and talked to him about life, about the baby, and about our summer plans. I told him to get better so he can make us some special Norwegian pancakes and his famous fruit salad. :) Even though Jonathan has only met him once, he loves Grandpa soo much. He stood behind me, crying, while rubbing my shoulders. I wanted to cry sooo badly, but I kept them back so that I could be strong for Grandpa, while I talked to him. Almost every time I looked into his eyes I wanted to cry. And I knew that if I started I wouldn't be able to stop. I'm sure he doesn't want people feeling sorry for him. And Grandma has said his wish is that he could be taken off all of that and just enter the Spirit world where he can rest from this pain. But I'm sure it would be very hard for her.

A part of my selfish being wishes that he would keep getting better and better (cause he is improving) but a part of me wants him to let go and be relieved. It's so hard knowing which is better. 

He has enough strength to hold our hands and move his one arm (kind of towards his face which looks like he wants to pull the mask off) but he quickly drops it because his strength doesn't last very long. My mom said his cancer is no longer in remission and he wasn't responding very well to chemo this time. He has a lot of fluid in his lungs and suffers from pneumonia, so that is why he's in the ICU. But each day I hear something positive about his results from my relative's posts on facebook that say he is getting better and better. That gives us so much hope. C'mon Grampa! Pull through and get better so that when school is out in April we can see you again! :D <3

While standing there, looking into his eyes, all I could think about was "Generations Linked in Love" a talk about how we are linked through Temple ordinances, and in love, and have a knowledge that there is life after death and that we can all be together again, forever, if we make correct choices on this earth. It is so comforting to have a knowledge of the true gospel, to not fear that I won't see them again. Although we all suffer tragedies in this mortal state and sometimes it is hard to let go, it's awesome to know that Heavenly Father has a wonderful plan that includes all of us and that we can see our loved ones after they leave us. It truly is comforting.

Random Rants...

 haha okay, I'm not ranting, but it flowed.

So I have come up with a few more things I need to do pretty soon. And then just a few random thoughts.

Change my maiden name to my married name.. technically I'm still a Stefan.. oops. 

But that means changing eeeeeevverything - social security card, driver's license.. then of course my maiden name is on the lease for our apt and my W-2s for taxes, so drat! I might as well wait until I file my taxes - or another month when my driver's license expires and I turn 21. But that's something I have to do. 

Either decide whether or not getting certified is really important enough for me to take the exam. Once I move to Nebraska I'll only have from May til July 5th to work as a Medical Assistant, and they want you certified in their state, at least from what I've seen from their craigslists adds. And it takes about 4 1/2 months (and $125) from the time you apply to the time you're allowed to take your exam. I only have until my graduation date to apply with that rate and then it bumps up to $250, which is no bueno. But I'm just trying to figure out if it's worth it or not. I mean, yes I know I went to school for it and it'd be great having in case anything happened to Jonathan (trust me, I've had that talk a zillion times) but I'm just not feeling it. Oyyy, decisions decisions...
 

We also have to find someone to buy our contract from us so we can be outta here by April 21st. Our lease goes from whenever we got it til July 2012.. and obviously we're not going to be here that long since we're leaving. The lucky thing is when we moved in we didn't have to pay a $350 deposit because the previous people were selling their contract to us, which is what will happen to someone who buys it from us. So that was cool for us, and will be cool for them. Now I just have to advertise.

I need to call AT&T's customer service so I can see if I can get my stupid upgrade!! I know I'm eligible for one. But when we moved down to Texas I got off my mom's account and got on Jonathan's mom's account (the both of us did) which automatically renewed our contract. SO... to the computer it looks as if we just barely signed up with AT&T 6 months ago. SO lame. I've had the same phone since the beginning of September 09, so I've had it for about eighteen months or so. The guy who helped us switch over to in Texas, in December said I could be able to get in it February. But I went in and they said I can't..and that I have to call customer service to try and change it. If I can't I have to wait a whoooole year.

I need to call and make an appointment with the WIC office...  pretty self explanatory.

On a good note I did some research and found out that in this town the local police/fire department does free CPR and First Aid training. Unfortunately, you can't get certified through them (you can do that through the hospital though, with a fee) but it's cool to know in case I want to do it just for the heck of knowing it. 

Jonathan went selling this last weekend and got another preseason sale. If you get at least one sale with Pinnacle Security you can trade your sale in and opt to get a iPad (basically $3-500 cheaper than if you were to buy one). And he's been wanting this fooooorever now. That's what he talks about all the time lol. He's so excited to get it, that last night I had a stupid dream about him and his team being the first people to repair this person's house and sewer system that if they did they would all win iPads. LOL so silly! But he's getting one in the mail tomorrow. It's easier to go knocking and tell people about the company and the alarms when it's easily accessible on the ipad, and have them sign up, when it's electronic instead of paper. So I guess it has its benefits. :P

On a different note, my grandpa is really sick again. He's suffered through different types of cancer - skin cancer (and others), pneumonia, his heart's sac is filled with fluid, among other things. He was doing well for a while and we got to visit him during Christmas break, but he is in the hospital again. This time it's hit him pretty bad so they always keep him sedated and on oxygen and a ventilator. My aunt said he's responded to verbal commands, but he is still stuck there. So we're making a trip to see him (and my Gandma and Aunts) this Friday-Saturday to Payson Utah. It may be the last time we see him, but we're hoping he can pull through until at least the weekend! I heard he is improving so that is good. C'mon Grahmpah! You can do it.

Anyways, this was just a random blog of what's been going on and what I've been thinking about. Sooo much to do!! 

PS: HAVE A HAPPY MARCH 1ST!!!! :D Spring is almost here!