So, we got to visit my Grandparents and other relatives who made the trip to Payson, Utah, on Friday-Saturday. I can remember going to their house in Fairbanks to play in their nice yard and other visits we had when my mom would take us over. But I haven't truly appreciated them until these last few months when I've got to spend more quality time, particularly as an adult, with them..realizing just how much I miss them and am lucky to have them still alive.
We got to Grandma's house at 9pm-ish and hung out and talked and caught up on life. Grandma told Jonathan and Jeff (who drove us) about her brothers who served in World War II and how one of them had to be in a concentration camp. She also told us about how the Germans bombed their house in Norway and how they had to live in a barn afterward. She said by the time she was 6 years old she was already working to help out the family by peeling potatoes to make money. And she soo wished she could go to school. She said by the time she was 16 she saved up the money that she had from working so that she could go to school and she still wishes til this day that she could continue school forever because she has a love for learning. She said when she graduated from the UAF with her degree she got one B (as a final grade) and she was in her words, devastated. She said she tried reasoning with her teacher but to no avail. That was her only B in her entire life. Ohh if only we all had an attitude like that about our education and took it as more of a blessing instead of hindering to our life. I admire her for that.
We got to Grandma's house at 9pm-ish and hung out and talked and caught up on life. Grandma told Jonathan and Jeff (who drove us) about her brothers who served in World War II and how one of them had to be in a concentration camp. She also told us about how the Germans bombed their house in Norway and how they had to live in a barn afterward. She said by the time she was 6 years old she was already working to help out the family by peeling potatoes to make money. And she soo wished she could go to school. She said by the time she was 16 she saved up the money that she had from working so that she could go to school and she still wishes til this day that she could continue school forever because she has a love for learning. She said when she graduated from the UAF with her degree she got one B (as a final grade) and she was in her words, devastated. She said she tried reasoning with her teacher but to no avail. That was her only B in her entire life. Ohh if only we all had an attitude like that about our education and took it as more of a blessing instead of hindering to our life. I admire her for that.
We spent the night in the downstairs, had breakfast, and then headed over to the Payson MoutainView Hospital to visit poor sick Grandpa. It is definitely more empty at the house without him..and I miss his funny jokes and attitude. We got to go in 2 by 2 to visit him. He was on the bed hooked up to what seemed like a zillion tubes with an oxygen mask (called a cpap mask) covering most of his face besides his eyes. His poor sad eyes. I felt so terrible. Especially when Jonathan pointed out that tears were coming from his eyes. Broke my heart. He has to keep the mask on because his lungs aren't strong enough to expel the carbon monoxide, like when a normal person breathes out, and a low oxygen level (or too much carbon monoxide in the blood) can kill a person. So he has this mask on that constantly blows oxygen into his mouth/nose, which also dries his mouth out. So the nurse feeds him ice chips because he's on a feeding tube. The ventilator tubes scratch up his throat so it's hard for him to talk (and he can't talk with that mask on anyway). And on top of that his hearing aids are taken out and so he can only hear out of one ear - if you shout.. which I'm terrible at. But Grandma said on Thursday he told her that he loved her.
Me and Jonathan were the first in and we held his hands and talked to him about life, about the baby, and about our summer plans. I told him to get better so he can make us some special Norwegian pancakes and his famous fruit salad. :) Even though Jonathan has only met him once, he loves Grandpa soo much. He stood behind me, crying, while rubbing my shoulders. I wanted to cry sooo badly, but I kept them back so that I could be strong for Grandpa, while I talked to him. Almost every time I looked into his eyes I wanted to cry. And I knew that if I started I wouldn't be able to stop. I'm sure he doesn't want people feeling sorry for him. And Grandma has said his wish is that he could be taken off all of that and just enter the Spirit world where he can rest from this pain. But I'm sure it would be very hard for her.
A part of my selfish being wishes that he would keep getting better and better (cause he is improving) but a part of me wants him to let go and be relieved. It's so hard knowing which is better.
He has enough strength to hold our hands and move his one arm (kind of towards his face which looks like he wants to pull the mask off) but he quickly drops it because his strength doesn't last very long. My mom said his cancer is no longer in remission and he wasn't responding very well to chemo this time. He has a lot of fluid in his lungs and suffers from pneumonia, so that is why he's in the ICU. But each day I hear something positive about his results from my relative's posts on facebook that say he is getting better and better. That gives us so much hope. C'mon Grampa! Pull through and get better so that when school is out in April we can see you again! :D <3
While standing there, looking into his eyes, all I could think about was "Generations Linked in Love" a talk about how we are linked through Temple ordinances, and in love, and have a knowledge that there is life after death and that we can all be together again, forever, if we make correct choices on this earth. It is so comforting to have a knowledge of the true gospel, to not fear that I won't see them again. Although we all suffer tragedies in this mortal state and sometimes it is hard to let go, it's awesome to know that Heavenly Father has a wonderful plan that includes all of us and that we can see our loved ones after they leave us. It truly is comforting.
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