I never want to forget my 8 month old!

Things I never want to forget about my 8 month old! That is just so crazy saying that out loud. I have an 8 month old? In 4 short months she's going to be 1!!!! That is just cray-cray. The weird thing about it though, is that from month 7 to now I felt like it was a lot slower than all the other months, although I've been 10X as busy. Funny, huh? Oh well! Here we go! Some things I never want to forget about my darling little Elena Rosalynn. My little rose.

I never want to forget

She eats everything!! And she eats a lot. She's definitely not picky. People food, baby food, milk, cords, trash on the floor. You name it, she'll probably eat it. ;)

She is just so tickly. It's my fave.

She's sleeping through the night - woohoo! I attribute that to eating adult food and staying awake longer during the day. It's so nice :)

She loves LOVES to growl! She'll make high pitch little squeals and then it will turn into full on huge growls! I love it!

That being said, if you growl to her, she'll growl back.

She is just so happy all the time (besides when sick or teething or both combined - a nightmare). Sometimes in the middle of the night I'll find her laughing to herself in her crib. :D

I never want to forget

Today I tried on a 12 month old onesie and it totally fit her! See! She's a big baby, but I love it.

Her round little booty! Hahaha oh my gosh it makes me and Jonathan laugh so much, esepcially when she tries to roll over while I'm changing her. She has the most perfect round tush. She must've got it from me because Jonathan has no butt at all.

Her face when she looked up at Santa for the first time

She now has 7 teeth, and I didn't even know she got one more haha. Perhaps she'll have them all by the time she's 1 and we'll be all done with teething, woohoo! ;)

She crawls around sooo much, but she can still not really sit on her own without falling over at least once. And by falling over... I mean face planting into the carpet haha.

She grabs food with her finger and thumb and can put it in her mouth. :)

I knew she was sick when she wouldn't finish her whole bottle. It was weird. Usually she'll drink it all..and then some.

When I'm trying to change her diaper she'll roll over as if to escape. I grab her by her chunky thighs and roll her back over and she thinks it's the most hilarious game.

I never want to forget

How when she is laying on her stomach and hears a sound or your voice, or wants to look up at you, she turns, she puts one arm on her thigh to look up. It's the funniest pose.

She still loves to have only one foot in the air while swinging. Jonathan got like a 2 minute video of her doing that!

She loves cuddling when she's sick..and falling asleep in my arms.

We practice waving hi and bye and goodnight whenever I'm going to put her in her crib. So lately when she's really excited she waves her arms around in excitement.

She will not, I repeat, not, go to sleep even a tad hungry. She won't just drink milk anymore. If I put her down in her crib without giving her real food first, she'll look up at me and start screaming and that's how I know that she's not tired, but hungry..because it used to be that when she'd whine that's when I knew she wanted to go to sleep, but she refuses to now unless she's completely full. :)

And lastly, and perhaps my most favorite...watching her sleep in my arms while sucking on her thumb and holding her blanket. When I lay her down in her bed on her stomach she reaches one arm back to grab her blanket, pulls it up to her mouth and sucks on her thumb (sometimes the blanky too, but not always) and that's how she soothes herself to sleep. She does it every time. The other day when I gave her a bath I knew she was tired because as I was putting her diaper on she grabbed the towel behind her and started sucking on her thumb! Hahahha I love her little sleepy quirks.

Sometimes I just hold her and love her and wish that she won't grow up so fast. I love her little babyhood.

I love my little 'Lena

Homemade tostadas with sweet shredded pork

Mmmm home made sweet shredded pork on tostadas. This is seriously one of my most favorite dinner meals and I have no problem eating it multiple times a week. I look forward to leftovers here, people. I could seriously stuff myself silly (which I did, eventually). So I decided to share it with you! I haven't posted a recipe in foooooorever, and this is a special treat because I actually made this from scratch and was surprised it came out wonderfully! And I've made it multiple times and it never fails. Mmm mm mm..

First, you'll need:

A crock pot

1 boneless pork shoulder

fajita packet or your own fajita mix (usually I use the the taco bell fajita packet, but I didn't have one today so I did a tbsp of each: chili powder, paprika, oregano, and cumin.).  You just do equal parts of each; you could make more or less depending on what you're using it for. (I actually like using the packet better, but whatevs.)

1 individual cup of apple sauce (or apple juice works too), plus that empty apple sauce container full of water
a couple handfuls of brown sugar
drizzle of molasses

Package of tostadas (they're the flat taco looking things in a bag).

Toppings:
chopped lettuce, tomatoes, and avocado - I wish I had some tonight :( . Also, lime adds great flavor.

I place the boneless pork shoulder into the crock pot. Then, I pour all of the fajita mix over the meat. Next, I pour the apple sauce, sprinkle 2 handfuls or so of the brown sugar over it, then drizzle the molasses over the rest (not a lot). Finally, pour the little bit of water over it so it won't dry out while cooking. Put it on low for 6-8 hours or high for 5-6 if not frozen. In the past when I didn't have that much time I did it low for 3 hours, high for 3 hours. Works just the same and turned out great. After 6-8 hours take two forks and shred the meat (works best if not frozen, mine was frozen so I had to wait a little longer since I had it on low for 6 hours). Add salt to taste. It should taste flavorful and sweet. If it doesn't, add more salt and brown sugar, but I think 2 handfuls is enough.

Not sure why it rotated like that?

Add a lot more brown sugar than I did here. The meat needs to come out looking nice and dark and juicy sweet.

I actually had to add a lot more brown sugar than I originally put in, and sprinkled salt all over it too. You just kind of have to taste test it to see what you really like. Make sure that meat is emerged in the juices.

Grab your tostada, squeeze a lime over it, place a good amount of the shredded pork on top, add lettuce, tomato, and avocado. Eat. Make another. Repeat. X 2. Also tastes good with cilantro lime rice on the side, which I've made multiple times in the past.

The pork tastes like heaven exploded in your mouth. You can thank me later.

The first time I made it Jonathan told me he didn't expect the meat to have a sweet flavor and that he had never tasted sweet meat before, and that it was really, really good. My brother-in-law told me it reminded him of Cafe Rio's sweet pulled pork. I've only had CR food once, so I'm not sure what exactly he's talking about, but I kind of take that as a compliment. ;) After searching a little bit online I found a recipe that was similar to the one I use, Cafe Rio Sweet Barbacoa Pork  by The Girl Who Ate Everything. I haven't tried that one yet, though.

Enjoy!

Let me know how it went if you decide to try it out!

I Never Want To Forget My 7 month old!

Woohoo! I've managed to keep Elena alive yet another month. 7 months down, forever to go!! I always said that with Lydia, she started becoming really fun at around 5-7 months, having such a fun personality. And it rings true with Elena.

Here are some things I never want to forget about my 7 month old!


She loves books! Eating and hitting them, and occasionally looking at the pictures, but she loves swatting them and gets excited when we give her one.

She loves Lydia so much and has a blast watching her do her little acrobatics around the house.

Tonight we found out she loves dogs, A LOT. She squealed with delight over and over and she hit and tried to pull out the poor dog's fur haha.

She is so calm lately..maybe it's because her teeth have finally popped through and it's not causing as much pain.

She is also sleeping a lot better through the night...AND DAY haha. Girl sleeps 5-7 hours during the day. I know, I know, I need to change that. It's a work in progress.

Makes the funniest facial expressions. I kind of just love her eyebrows haha.

She scoots around A LOT. She almost has the army crawl down. But she uses her feet instead of her arms to move around. This is also probably why she wakes up a lot at night. She scoots so far in the crib she runs her head into the bars haha. Tough life.

I never want to forget

How she loves watching herself on the phone camera. She also loves sucking on our phone.

As a matter of fact, she loves sucking on anything she can get her hands on and has a kung fu grip on any cord in sight.

She has mastered the fake cough. I can see her pretending to be sick in the future to stay home from school. ;)

Sometimes I catch her sucking on two fingers from each hand in her mouth. Kind of like how you use your fingers to make a funny face, that's what it looks like.

She is the kind of baby who loves to just be laid down for a nap so trying to force her to nap in my arms at Church is torture for the both of us.

How I love kissing her perfectly round forehead. And smelling her recently washed sweet head. It's my fave.

Sometimes she will just sit back in the swing or her car seat and just stare at her surroundings or us with a blank face. So we nick-named her the Boss and every once in a while Jonathan likes to turn on the Godfather song. It's perfect.

She's a rolly polly. She can roll over from stomach to back and back to stomach. I can't lay her on the couch anymore because she likes to roll over and I'm afraid she'll just roll right off the couch haha. That can't be good. She also likes to lean way too far over when she's sitting that sometimes her face touches her toes. Oh to have that kind of flexibility! Haha

I never want to forget

She loves other babies. She gets a happy face when she sees them and especially when she gets to play with them.

I let her play with all the toys Lydia won't let her play with, when Lyd's asleep. Mwahaha!

When she is either hungry or tired, if a stranger tries to hold her she gets an immediate frowny face and starts crying.

When Lydia sits watching her shows on the iphone (or used to be the ipad which we sold), Elena would sit right next to her and watch it with her. It is adorable.

She can almost sit by herself for long periods of time. I think the longest the other day was was 2 minutes. She's still a little wobbly and leans to the right or left, but she's doing pretty well!

That she now has all 4 top teeth that she got in over a 2 weekspan, along with her 2 bottom teeth. They're pretty sharp. But I'm glad that's over.

She is having more poopy diapers. Woohoo! :)

She weighs 16lbs 14oz.

Screams like crazy when she gets her shots. Poor thing. She's a champ though. :)

She really is such a sweet girl. I have a lot of people comment on how relaxed and chill she is just laying there in your arms.

Here's the vid of her fake-coughing. :)


https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10202282406199425&l=790545477264616717

He Doesn't Know He's My Hero (Part 2)

So I've been thinking a lot about my Dad lately, and how much I miss my family in Alaska. I've actually been thinking about a paper I wrote about him for an English class a few years ago, which you can read here. But my dad is just so incredible that he took it upon himself to take my laptop and tried to have his work buddies fix it (it was pretty much dead), so instead they copied all of my files and put it on an external hard drive (everything which he paid for himself) and mailed it to me. 

While looking through my files that I hadn't touched in about 2 years, I found a Word document that had my notes of the time I interviewed him about his homeland, about anything that he remembers, and his escape from Czechoslovakia, so that I could write that paper. As I read it I realized I didn't even include half the information I put in that paper. It is such a good insight. And very special to me, as my dad is like treasure chest with the key at a bottom of the ocean. He rarely likes to talk about his past. Maybe one day he will. 

{Note: these are very raw (as in unedited) and personal. Anything in quotations are things he actually said, whereas things after "D:" are things he said but that I summarized when I took notes}

A - Anna
D - Dad

A: Fun things you did as a child. 

D: The funnest thing was to ‘grab something to eat’. Berry picking, hiking in the mountains, mushroom picking. Not much fishing (can’t really fish there). Hiking with friends usually. Not a lot of friends. Went on a field trip with class once.

A: All your brother’s and sister’s names. 

D: Peter (4 yrs older), Agata (1 yr older), (Paul-aka dad), Adele (2 yrs younger), Jan (5 yr younger) .

A:Your favorite thing about the town you lived in. 

D: Church bells (every hour and 12 hr, 300 ft, hear for miles and miles) and Easter holiday.  Church is huge. Gothic cathedrals. Whole town is cathedrals. Spisska Nova Ves. Used to be an old fort. All the women’s last names are taken from their father’s name with an ‘ova’ added on to the end of it. Started the town in 1268 ad. Born in Levoca.

A: Most memorable tradition(s) 

D: Easter.

Easter holiday – The food prepared at your house, taken at 6am (father would be at church with the food) to the church to be blessed. Delicious ham (not factory made.) Boil in the pot for hours with spices. ‘Best thing in the world. Can’t buy it anywhere here’.  7am water chastening. Girls represented Jews and the boys would chase the girls and toss water on the girls or throw them in creeks. The boys would go around house to house to get coins and they’d put a perfume on the old women’s heads.  Dressed in nice white shirts and suits. Everyone dressed up nice. All the girls would prepare houses, paint the walls and wash the houses. Everything done by 9am. Always happened on Monday mornings.

Before: not much farming. Socialistic co-op farming.  A lot of different stores, meat etc. now they have a grocery store.

You couldn’t just say you were "communist". You had to swear your allegiance to the party.  Swear for life, forever. “I think my oldest brother joined up a long time ago. My father and mother didn’t and none of us kids did.” Father voiced his political opinion, sent off to jail for a period of time.  Mother was forced to go to work because we didn’t have enough money for food. [my] dad went to daycare a few times. Mother worked in a factory where they made furniture – assembly line. Grandpa worked for the railroad. Dad trained for the railroad.

A: How did you choose that? 

D: “ You don’t choose it. You go where the money is. You go where you can find work.” 

19 when enlisted in the army, faked an appendix attack, applied for a temp visa,
Dad and Miki (his friend) had a small suitcase. Miki made a million $ in Texas and then got leukemia cancer and died.

A: If you could go back what would you visit first?

D: “I would go see my mom” All the siblings live next to her.  Had a small airport where they had sporting hang gliders, 1 or 2 person thing. Big huge model airplane. 50 ft wide wingspan. They would tow, had a cable connected to the glider and would take it way into the sky, disconnect the cable and the guy would just glide all day long.

A: Favorite food?
D: any sea food “I could see” Perogi – little dumplings. Like spicey Hungarian food. Beef, chicken, and pork.

A: When you first left, did you ever think it was a mistake and that you wanted to go back?

D: “Yeah, I didn’t know if it was going to be good.”

A: Tell me your story of how you escaped: 

D: *Preparations* had a chance to go see a soccer game in Austria. And it just happened. I was able to go. Austria was a neutral country. After me and friend went to Austria, stayed at Refugee camp, worked seasonal jobs, waited for approval to US. Had a chance to go to Australia, Canada, or US. Chose America.

*While being searched* D: "kinda scary, but we made it through.” The Czech soldiers searched through the little suitcase and found many pictures and one pair of change of clothes.  Soldiers didn’t search everybody. They thought Miki and I looked suspicious and ‘we almost didn’t make it.’

Refugee camp: complex of buildings. Free to do what you wanted, free to work or not work. It was your choice. 

~ Click the link at the top to read the whole story ~

It's not much, but I'm so glad I have this tiny bit of information from my dad. I don't know what it is lately, but I have been interested in learning his language and wish from the bottom of my heart I knew more about his homeland. My dad is the hardest working man I know. I may not know him as well as other kids know their fathers, but I love him.

Our Ward Halloween Party

So basically.. I forgot to take pictures of other people's really cool costumes. I kind of felt a little awkward as I would look around and stare to try to figure out what people were dressed as..'cause I didn't want to look like a creeper and we have sooo many new people in our ward haha.

But anyway, it was fun! They had tons of Dominos pizza, a blow up pool full of soda (err.. to keep cool, not a pool of soda haha), a photo booth and costume contests with neat prizes. Here is what we came as:


Two little kittens

Sweet Lydia, before her face paint rubbed off.

About to give me some serious 'tude!

Trying to catch her tail! haha

And Daddy in the background creating his special look.

She loved seeing her face on the iPad.

I mostly just love Elena's face here. Not the background. Excuse the trash haha.

A little kitty enjoying some milk. 

 

 

 

And of course, since these kiddies drive me nuts sometimes I thought it was only proper to come as a crazy cat lady.

I was going to make Lydia a Pingu costume...somehow..., since she loves that.. but I wasn't sure how to go about doing that..and while sorting through laundry I realized (again) that they had matching pajamas. How incredibly easy! All I needed was a few supplies from Porters to make cat ears and a tail and voila! Easy peasy. Little kitties :)

Then when Jonathan came home he surprised me with a beautiful pirate's wig that he..mutilated all over our kitchen table. He came dressed as James Harden, a Houston Rocket's basketball player. I had no idea he was going to dress like that, but he already had the jersey and the beard was absolutely perfect. I can't stand that man's hair. Seeing him on television he looks so goofy, little hair on his head, tons on his chin haha. When we walked in a lot of the men in our ward started laughing really loud at Jonathan because it really was a hilarious impression! Over-exaggerated, but epic!

Yes, the tongue haha

I told him to roll his eyes back for a special effect ;)

Other pictures of this man.

And her are some wonderful family pictures of the 4 of us, HA!

"I'm not supposed to go with strangers.."

Our wonderful attempts at some pictures

Wait, what's over there? I mostly like this one because "who is dat guy? Dat's not my dad!!" Haha Elena

I think we pushed the start button too fast...we were NOT ready until the 3rd picture and by the last picture Lydia really loved seeing herself moving on the camera hahaha what a bunch of goofs!!

I Never Want To Forget My 6 Month Old!

As a mommy blogger, I totally suck! It's been a week and a day since my wee one turned half a year old and I never even posted what I never wanted to forget about her! I guess I'll make the excuse that...we're living life and having fun each day that I forget to post. I'm also late on a lot of posts.. I feel like just making one huge one with tons of pictures to catch up for months and months... but that's for another day.

So here we go. Things I never want to forget..about my 6 MONTH OLD!

I never want to forget

How she squeals with delight when she sees your face! Or to herself in her crib...at midnight. Not so delightful.

When she's laying on her back she'll bring her toes to her mouth.

How she loves to have one foot in the air and Lydia thinks it's hilarious.

That she is just so fond of Lydia and loves when she gets in her face.

That at 6 months, she doesn't fit in most of her 3-6 month clothes anymore and is almost too long for all of her 6-9 clothes. 9 months is just the right length for her. Tall child.

I never want to forget

How much she keeps me up at night ---- I never want to forget this so that I will wait a little longer for child #3 ;) not because I enjoy it haha

How the other day I serenaded her with broken Dean Martin songs (my memory is a little dodgy) and she watched me the whole time until she finally fell asleep. So perfect.

She loves baby food! But I am either a) too tired b) too busy or c) a and b to remember to feed her.. Plus nursing is easier.

She has 2 and 1/2 teeth..kinda. She has two bottom and is working on her third - an upper right incisor tooth........which needs to bloody pop through already before I lose my mind due to sleep deprivation!

I never want to forget 

How smiley she is. Now that Lydia's a grumpy/sassy 2 year old, that act can sometimes get tiring.. thanks to lil Elena, she balances out everything! So sweet to cuddle after a hard day with Lydia. :)

She is so well-mannered at Church.

Her poopy troubles haha. That probably sounds weird but I'm sure I'll look back on it and totally forget that we went through all that.

That she loves Jonathan a lot! She spends all day with me and is fine, but she stares at Jonathan when he comes home and when they make eye contact she immediately beams! She must miss him!

That Elena is such a light sleeper. And I wish our door opened more softly. That is usually the reason she wakes up at night. I should just sleep on the couch from now on so she sleeps longer ;)

I never want to forget

That she can now move from her tummy to back and back to tummy like a baby ninja! And she can usually go from side to side if she's really determined.

She knows when I'm about to lay her in bed, especially if I say "goodnight" because that's what I say every time I lay her down. It's her little cue..and sometimes she wants to be cuddled instead of just being laid down so she fusses when I say goodnight.

She's pretty good with strangers..unless she's hungry or tired. Then she will give you the biggest frown you've ever seen.

She really is my little sunshine.

 I may have hard nights with her, but I always know she'll be there to brighten up my day :)

I can't believe she's already 6 months... 6 more months is going to come too soon!

THINGS I KNOW!

You know you're becoming a bad blogger when you barely remember what you last wrote about (our Utah trip, btw. I haven't completely forgotten).

Well, I decided since it's been a few months since Lydia's birthday, and she has just blossomed so much in the last few months, I figured I would write a post on things I know about Lydia at 2 years, 3 months!

I know

That some of her favorite words to say are "doppit! no! don touch!" (stop it, don't touch) usually to Jonathan when he teases her haha!

Still not potty trained, but that's okay. A little less of a hassle for me.

That she loves her Sissy so, so much. Except for when she's mad at me..then Elena's an easy target!

She can be quite the little sas sometimes! She'll go around with both hands on her hips saying, "cue me ma'am!"... except one time we made a game out of it running around the house saying that to each other and that was the only thing I could think about all day. She laughed so hard. My fave.

Lately she loves taking out all of my pots and pans, silverware and mixing spoons and "cooks" dinner or "shoup" (soup) or cookies for me. I love her little imagination blooming.  

Speaking of cooking, one of her favorite meals is pancakes. Every time I ask her what she wants for breakfast (or lunch or dinner), she says "ah pa-cakes!"

I know she is such a sweetheart. One day I was sitting there just feeling kind of bad and she kept coming up to me saying, "Ahs (what's) wrong, Mommy? Ah's wrong?"

Earlier today she found white headphones, put one around her neck, then came up to my stomach and listened to my "hart." She's so funny. Also, the other day she was reaching for wipes on the table and the corner hit her chest. She said ow, bunched her shirt up in her hands and gave it a kiss and walked off haha.

She can count all the way to 10 and knows her colors and most of her letters. She's so stinkin' smart! We practice all the time.

I know

That cleaning with Lydia is just like those memes say - trying to brush teeth while chewing oreos. Aint gonna get/stay clean for long!

Her most favorite show is Pingu (Swiss clamation of Penguins lol). It's stupid, and annoying when you're not listening to it because it's all gibberish. But sometimes I sit and watch and find myself laughing along. 

She's not afraid of bugs or "buggies" and she tells them to go back to their "buggy Mama" because we don't want them in the house!

The girl still loves her milk! But I've been weaning her off bedtime milk because I eventually want her to go to sleep without it when we potty train. So far so good. She understands that when she drinks too much her bed gets wet in the morning haha.

She loves mandarin oranges, applesauce, and cucumbers with ranch! Loves loves loves those. And when she's eaten it all she says "ah mores!"

Whenever she feels slightly sick, or sees anyone who seems sick, she says. "I sick, ah soup, feel betta" (I'm sick, I need soup to feel better). Soup is where the magic's at, folks!

I know

She's just my little talker. She's basically a walking commentator haha. Comments on anything that's going on and repeats most of everything you say. Everything.

She's a greedy little toy lover. She hates sharing her toys with Elena. One day you think the toy she hasn't played with in days would be okay for Elena to have..nope. The next she could care less and is offering that same toy to her lol. Don't even get me started when Elena goes for Lydia's sippy cups!

She's so ticklish. It's my favorite.

 I know she likes Disney princess movies, but some of her favorite shows are the Living Scripture clips on youtube. After we read a few stories from her Book of Mormon stories book we watch a clip that has to do with those movies. She always tells me "mores mores mores! More Sheshuz (Jesus) shows!"  

Occasionally she'll find a binky and will suck on it for a while. Yesterday she wanted some of Elena's baby food! Mushy bananas with oatmeal cereal haha. After she took her first bite her face was so funny. Not what she was expecting, but she came back for more! I think sometimes she gets jealous of Elena and wants to be treated like a baby.

Whenever we hear sirens outside she says, "Ah help da guys. En trubbo" (I want to help the guys. They're in trouble).

She has always loved showing us her "mean eyes." Now she makes little "Mmm!" sounds to go along..kind of like a constipated cow (haha).. so I say, "do you hear that Lydia?" "huh" (for uh-huh) "Sounds like a mean cow!" "huh" haha

She sleeps with just about every stuffed animal you can find in her room. And other objects..like her princess purse, her undies, and sippy cups. Hoarder.
 

I know

That one of my favorite parts of the day is after she's done brushing her teeth she gets to pick out a sticker. She has a sheet of smiley faces in different colors (all the same, but in pink, green, yellow and blue). But she acts like she's making a life or death decision standing there smiling at all the stickers, not knowing which one to choose. I look at the mirror and watch her and it melts my heart the way she lights up about what sticker she gets to wear to bed. 

Today she actually really looked like me in one of the pictures! It's so cool to finally see myself in her! (I feel this way since I'm a minority in the household..it might be hard for others to understand though haha)

No matter if she refuses to give the prayers when we ask her during the day, she always always says her good night prayer. Sometimes, though, I catch her saying "a-milk" instead of "amen." Ha!

Every time she sees a picture of the Temple she says, "a tempo! anjo nomi! (Angle Moroni) maweed (married), flowos (flowers) kissies, hugs! I luh ah see da tempo! (I love to see the Temple - after the song). And she knows who the Prophet is. She loves the Prophet.

Her favorite children's song is the "Hello!" song. Mostly because they sing Hello a lot in that song! She'll just go on and on saying "Hall-o haaallloo hall-o haaalloo" over and over because she doesn't know the other words!

When we went to Porter's (craft store) they had a flying bat swinging around. She kept calling it the clasey biert (crazy bird lol)

Each night we exchange sweet nothings to each other. She always repeats what I tell her, but sometimes she says things unprompted. Lately I've taught her Te Amo (I love you, in Spanish). And she always tells me sweet dreams. No matter how bad a day we've had together, or how hard she fights me for bed time, once she's down in her bed she's a sweet angel and I hesitate to part with her.

 I just love her so much.