They Have Taken An Angel Home

Ruth Karin Campbell

She looks mighty classy

Today was my Grandmother's funeral in Payson, Utah. 

In case you didn't know how genuinely awesome my grandparents were, 

read this post about my grandfather after he passed away..

and this one on my grandmother from last year. 

Don't forget to read her obituary. I found that I learned something new about her, even in her death.

This last time we went to Utah to see Grandma was this last December and Lydia was finally a year and a half, able to talk and walk around. Grandma enjoyed her and gave her a few gifts (which now holds more sentimental value to me than it did before), but she was also in more pain. This was before she knew she had cancer. I asked to take pictures with her or pictures of her with Lydia but, unfortunately, she refused. Any last pictures I did get of her were taken sneakily on the iphone while she didn't know.. (oops, sorry, Grandma!). These next pictures are all I have left.

Since I didn't get to go to Utah today, I found myself reminiscing about times spent with Grandma over the past two years. Six or seven years ago, when they did live closer to us in Alaska, she was sick a lot, so being young and rambunctious I didn't spent much time with her in her bedroom, although now I wish I had. Every once in a while we would play Skip-Bo with her on her bed, but I spent more time with Grandpa or running around their beautiful house that Grandpa built. Christmas Eve traditions were still my favorite and I look back at them fondly with longing. Those were the special times I looked forward to each year.
I wish I could recreate at least one more Christmas Eve with all my relatives there.

While we haven't gotten to travel very many times to Payson, the times I did go I soaked in Grandma's stories. She told the best {real life} stories..and even if she did tend to repeat some of the same ones I've already heard, she told them with the same enthusiasm and spark, as always.

Grandma is one of my heroes. 

She is one of the strongest people I know and has been through so much. 

She always had a passion for learning and loved going to school.

She endured to the end valiantly and bravely and I am proud to be her descendant. 

I only hope one day I can live up to the good name she has left behind.

On our way to Payson, Utah!

The view looking outward from Grandma's driveway

Grandma showing Lydia her Bears.

Telling Lydia she needs to be gentle and soft with Mr. Bear.

One of my favorites!

Trying to get her on the rocking chair.

*Sharing Secrets*

I told Jonathan to take pictures while we were getting ready to leave (Grandma refused again saying she had a headache and that she also didn't look pretty enough for a picture. I told her she looked good to me for pictures, but this is what we got instead.)

Not sure what was so funny, but Grandma thought something was!

Wish we could've gotten more pictures! This is the last one I have being at her house. 

I'm sure gonna miss it there.

December 2010 (5 mo pregnant with Lydia) with Grandma and Grandpa Campbell.

I miss and love them both dearly.

Domesticity At Its Finest!

Since taking a children's clothing sewing class I have come to realize that I am addicted to checking out Lydia's clothing seams! - to see if I can visualize a pattern. Weird, I know, haha. In my head I always want to reproduce some of her clothes with fabric of my own, but I'm too nervous that I'll probably mess it up without a legit pattern. Anyway, here are some of the things I've made in class, minus the blessing dress that we are working on (which I'm so excited for, it's going to be beautiful), and then a project that I made by myself using an online pattern that I bought. Enjoy!

The hat was the first thing we made in class, followed by the booties.

Then we made a sleeper. I bought another zipper so I could make another one, but used it for the project later.

The shirt and pants that we made. It's hard to tell but the color is a violet purple. The elastic waistband was a pain and I'm terrible at working with the serger! haha

Now we are working on our blessing dresses, but I am providing you with no sneak peak until I have the final product finished! Let's just say.. it's going to be really beautiful. So far I just have most of the bodice sewn, the sleeves, and we are just barely working on the skirt. I'm excited that my little baby will get to wear some of these clothes I made with my own hands. It's a great accomplishment.

The other day I wanted to see if I could follow a pattern and teach myself how to do something without being told what to do step by step (in person, I followed the pattern to a T haha). I decided to do something somewhat simple (besides the stinking buttons/zipper) and chose a baby bedtime bag. It's kind of like a sleeping bag, but with a zipper on the bottom so you can easily change their diaper during the night. I think it's so cute and I'm always stopping in my room to check it out and see the handywork that I've created. Haha I'm a nerd, oh well. 

Haha, my photography skills stink. Like how I cut the bottom off?

I learned how to stitch button holes, that I can put my seam ripper to good use, and sew buttons on, all self taught.
Pretty proud of myself!

lol My goofy little test subject. Jonathan always laughs when he sees that baby.

Complete with an invisible zipper! We learned how to sew zippers on our sleepers, but not like this, using a basting stitch. Another thing learned (through trial and error haha). 

All in all I'm pretty excited for my sweet little offspring to be able to use something that I created. I can't wait to trade this plastic baby doll for my real precious one. :)

What Are You Living For?

Want to know what I love about the Gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? The fact that we are encouraged and enabled to repent of our mistakes and weaknesses and become better people through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It allows us, imperfect people, to right our wrongs and strive to become perfect through Christ. Something that I have needed and been able to use just these past two days.

Yesterday I had an overwhelming day. There were things I learned from my online history class that made me think about past choices. We've been learning a lot about the early economy and about public and economic virtue, which has really made me contemplate how honest I have been with the people around me and come to terms that I am definitely no where near perfect. And then later yesterday night I witnessed Lydia choking on a small object while she sat right next to me. Not gagging, but choking - the quiet serious kind. You have no idea how quick your sense of love for someone deepens until something bad is happening and how fast your heart races in such a serious situation. Last night was terrible.  After this situation, that could have been totally avoidable had I just paid closer attention, all I wanted to do was hold her close. After we got the object out I cried.. and she watched me cry which made her cry and we cried and held each other close for a very long time until she fell asleep in my arms. I continued to hold her and weep for another 30 minutes just staring at her angelic face and thanking God for His hand in all things. My heart was surely filled to the brim with gratitude. He protected her when I failed to do so. This memory still pains my heart and stings my tears as I think about how scary it was. I felt like a total failure. In fact, that's how I've been feeling about a lot of things lately.. with my bad grades on tests and how I feel like I should be doing better for the effort I've been putting in, the feelings I have about certain group members and how I should have more compassion on people, especially not knowing their circumstances, and then last night's situation. You could say I've been a bit overcome with grief and sorrow (being pregnant and emo doesn't help either - haha).

With this sense of Godly sorrow, knowing I have offended God by my actions and neglect, I feel like it is also exactly what I needed to change myself. I realized I need to truly put 100% into my school work, and not just for an A. I love what I'm learning but I also feel like I'm too focused on just getting an A. I need to realign my will with God's and remember that all people need to be loved, despite their setbacks and to be a more watchful guardian of my little one(s). And I also need to realize that the road to perfection comes with a lot of mistakes and shortcomings, yet Christ makes up for what we I lack. I am so thankful for that and for His endless mercy towards me and my family. I am so blessed. This sorrow has wrought a change within me. I want to take in every moment of Lydia's childhood, and not take anything for granted. I cherish every kiss, every "luh-you" spoken from her lips, and every cuddle time. I put things down to make time for her, because she's worth it.

This quote, that I put up on our whiteboard in our kitchen, has helped me focus more on the important things lately. It has helped me guide my actions to do things that would be worthwhile of Christ's blood and sacrifice.

Is What You're Living For WORTH What Christ Died For?