I tend to post a lot of things about Lydia, and I realize that. As a stay at home mom, she kind of is the center of my attention. So, naturally, her growth and development is the most important thing to me, and I try to keep the cyber world updated, as well as include a little humor about our lives in each of the posts.
But Monday, while we were out eating as a family at some restaurant in Colorado, I was seated in a position facing the television. ...Unfortunately...
While waiting for my food to arrive, I frequently glanced up at the TV. I am not sure what exactly was playing because there was little or no sound, but what caught my eye was the fact that some African American man was cradling a child in his arms while wading through swampy/pond looking water, while two other men in authority were in a boat holding long sticks(or nightsticks?) trying to get the man. I had asked Jonathan, "What are they doing?" when he replied jokingly, "Ohh it looks like the man is trying to sacrifice his son in the water and those guys are trying to stop him." And then a few seconds later said, "I'm just kidding, Anna." Fifteen seconds after he said that, Jonathan said, "Woah, Anna look! I was just kidding, but it looks like he's doing it for real." I then witnessed the black man on TV drowning his little child, which looked younger than a one-year old.
I was struck with horror.
Luckily, the men in the boat were beating on the man who was shoulder deep in water drowning his child to try to get him to release it. Thankfully, they knocked the man out so hard he let go of his baby and they were able to save the child and then pull the man out.
I almost couldn't eat. It made me sick that people care so little about their children, that they're willing to kill them. However, I was relieved that the people were able to rescue the child even though he had been underwater for at least 15-20 seconds.
As we continued eating, the TV program was showing bits of commercials of crazy things people did. Some included cars crashing into each other, people shooting others, people robbing banks, etc. To my dismay, I saw the last scene which included some people who either slipped or were being pushed around on their apartment balcony, dangling over a tiny baby holding on by only one arm.
That did it. I was sick. I put my head in my hands and started crying as I was sitting there. Everyone was curious as to why I was upset and I had to move to the opposite side of the table so that the TV was behind me. I couldn't take anymore. I did not want to witness anymore people harming their innocent, helpless children.
The rest of that day all I could think about was what I had seen as the pictures were so vividly fresh in my mind. I have told Jonathan before, that little children have a special place in my heart. And being a new mom myself, I want to treat every child I meet with the love and compassion every child needs and deserves. So, it got me to thinking a lot of things..
Why do people think babies are a sin? Why is it that before a baby is born, they are thought of as a mistake or trash that they can just be easily thrown away or mistreated? Why is it when some that are unwanted and eventually born, are then thought of as a perfect human being? What did it do wrong in the womb? Why is it that a life created inside someone else is disregarded as something ugly and unwanted? Your own creation. I don't understand. I appreciate and thank all the mothers out there who care for and love their babies, sick or healthy, born or still developing in utero.
Why do people go through an abortion? I know there are certain justifications that people come up with, and we all know what they are. But if you the parent knowingly makes a mistake, why not come up with a solution so that all parties win? Man up and take care of and love the thing you made! Or choose adoption for people who actually want a child. I know there are people out there wanting to adopt. Don't choose death. Death doesn't solve anything. Not for the child, not for the mother. Those who believe in being pro-choice.. what about the choice of the child? They never had any say in the matter. Your mom chose life for you.
Why do adults, the bigger people, think that they can do whatever they want to a child, someone smaller and defenseless? Why do people talk down to their kids, yell, swear, or beat them? Why do people say rude, hateful things in a loving manor to an infant who can't understand, just because the happy way they respond to the sound of their voice, is funny?
I can't understand it. When did it become okay for people to think that another life isn't as special as your own? I think what hurts my heart the most is when people hurt little children, because they can't defend themselves. The don't have a complete knowledge of what's going on. They trust their parents to love them and take care of them.
I often look at my baby and wonder if she loves me. Or if she knows that I love her. Or if she even knows what love is. I wonder if she looks up at me and feels something for me, her mom. I wonder if she knows or feels safe in my arms. I can tell her a million times that I love her, but how am I to say that she knows I really love her. I know it's up to me to do my duty, regardless, and love her unconditionally no matter if she knows it or not.
I love my baby enough to
Hold on to her with two hands
Make sure the blankets aren't covering her face
Never leave her alone in the cart at the store
Drop what I'm doing to provide for her needs
Make sure she's always buckled in right
I can't say that I've been exactly perfect while mothering her. I've made my fair share of mistakes, no doubt. But things I hear people say, or what I see on TV makes me want to protect my little girl so much. You have no idea. I know it's totally impossible to shelter her from the world, from bad things she might experience, or rude people she might encounter, but it hurts me as a mom to think that bad things might happen to her. So, I want to do my best to make it so that she has to experience the LEAST amount of bad in her life as possible. I can't protect her from all bad things, but I can try my best to provide as much good in her life.
This last family home evening, Jonathan had asked the family what their best, most favorite Christmas gift had ever been, mainly physical, temporal gifts - the one that stuck out the most. Everyone gave bomb answers. Really meaningful gifts that were life changing. None ended up being physical, because the spiritual things that were given or received in our lives meant the most to us.
My most favorite gift was the gift of Lydia's life. Obviously I didn't get her for Christmas (unless you want to say that we experienced Christmas in July :} ), but I get to have her here for Christmas! She has changed my life so much. She is my pride and joy. Everything good that I can think of, I want for her. Sometimes I think I love Lydia too much, how can I ever share that love with other children?.. but then I think, well, my mom did it with 6 kids. I'm sure the love multiplies, instead of divides, when you have more children. As you keep the Lord's commandment of "multiplying and replenishing the earth," with children, your love multiplies and replenishes, not fades or dies away.
I believe Elder Anderson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints gave an amazing talk on Children this last October Conference. Here is the link to his talk.
In conclusion, I really love a paragraph he included in his talk and I'll just paste it here.
"Many voices in the world today marginalize the importance of having children or suggest delaying or limiting children in a family. My daughters recently referred me to a blog written by a Christian mother (not of our faith) with five children. She commented: '[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. … Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get.' She then adds: 'Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.'"
I love this! And I love my baby girl! I'll always have time for her. Nothing in the world could change that.
Nothing
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