I Never Want to Forget

I do a post called Things I Know about Lydia every few months that helps me recall how she's growing and changing and I felt I wanted to do something similar with Elena so I can remember her, even especially in this tiny state. Every day literally flies by and I want to remember it all!

I never want to forget these moments.

Of the first 10 days of her life I never want to forget

How soft her skin is that is coated with the perfect baby fur.

How she seems to always have a silent smile on her face after she is fed.

Her spider leg-like fingers that stretch out so far and curl perfectly around my finger.

That she sheds more skin than a baby anaconda (it's always "snowing" at our house.. it's pretty gross, haha!)

I never want to forget

How relaxed and calm she is. She literally slept right through her PKU foot-prick today. She is such a blessing to Momma.

Her many faces she makes as her stomach is finally full and she is content.

How her "possessed" face looks as she rolls her eyes to the back of her head when she's asleep. It always makes us laugh.

That she is my good eater.. and eats possibly more than any baby I know (well, compared to Lydia at her age haha)! At birth she was 8lbs. 4 days later she was 7.10 and now she is 8.7. I'm a proud Mama.

I never want to forget

How she has me wrapped around her finger.

How my heart melts just staring at her.

Her piercing eyes as they watch the world around her.

How her nose crinkles up when she doesn't like something.

I never want to forget

Her concentrated face as she is about to destroy a diaper.

How her mouth instantly opens and tries to eat my arm when she is given to me (haha time to feed).

How when we say "cutie" or some other affectionate phrase towards her, we sometimes earn a smile from her face. It's like she knows we're complimenting her ;) .

She is my perfectly good sleeper. She'll sleep a good 3-4 hours at night, wake to feed, then goes back to sleep. I cherish those nights.


I mostly never want to forget this feeling of being a new mom again. With Lydia we were living with my family in Alaska and looking back now I feel like I've forgotten most of Lydia's early life. I can hardly remember anything about her newborn days, besides the outfits she wore or the pictures we took. I figure it's because we had to share her with so many people. But Elena I have all to myself. I can soak up every ounce of babyness and she is completely all mine.

I Was Made For This

The morning of Elena's birth I was up way early. It seems as though my mind had been mentally prepared for her coming. A few days before when we had gone to the park we had also stopped at Deseret Book and I picked up a book I had read a great review on and an interview with the author, so I knew I really wanted to get it. It's called Covenant Motherhood. I began reading it the night before and had got more in-depth with it Monday morning. I had read a good 4 chapters and really enjoyed reading it. It reaffirmed my divine role as a mother as it talked about how the characteristics we perform as mothers mirror Christ's role as creator, teacher, caregiver, etc..

Then, something that hit me right after I delivered her was my doctor's own words. It was either as she was coming out, or right after she came out that he told me, "You were made for this." I'm sure he was talking about having babies that come out so easily.. but in my head and my heart I realized that yes, I was made for this. I was made to be a mother. I have acknowledged and accepted this divine role and partnership with Heavenly Father as I bring His spirit children into this world and raise them as he would want them raised.

One thing that has stuck out to me in the book Covenant Motherhood is the phrase that the author came to accept and now encourages mothers to do. She says to

 "Pray to love what the Lord loves."

I feel like being a new mom all over again I have developed an even deeper love for these precious little children. I can't shout it enough to the world just how much I love these babies. I know the Lord loves them and I can only hope that I can love them as He loves and love my role as Mom, despite the hard, mundane days that seem to have zero purpose in them. I am going to strive to be the best mom I know how because

I was made for this

Happy Birth Day Baby Elena!

{You should know it's taken me 4 days to complete this post from beginning to end with pictures..I'm so busy now!}

So here's the scoop on the labor and delivery experience with baby Elena! Warning, it's pretty long and I began writing this last friday!

Last week I was technically due Tuesday the 9th, however, I was still in school and hoping that Elena would hold out until at least Wednesday night when I finished all my classes. I had no real signs that labor was coming and had an appointment for Thursday. When I went in doc asked if I wanted him to strip my membranes. I was nervous as to what that meant, and kind of had my own idea going that she would definitely be here by Sunday, so I told him we'd wait off on anything until Sunday and go from there if she still hadn't come.

After we walked to the bookstore we went to Porter Park and Mari took some pictures :)

40 weeks 3 days: about to explode! ;)

The whole weekend passed and nothing. I even walked from our place all the way uphill to the University's book store on campus, hoping something would happen. I got a whole lotta cramps but nothing else. I'd be sleeping, then wake with a few painful contractions, start timing them, and then they'd stop after I'd go to the bathroom. Talk about getting my hopes up. I had told people I didn't want to see them at Church on Sunday because I hoped I'd be in the hospital by then. Nope. Still pregnant and still went to Church despite how tired and uncomfortable I'd been. This whole time Jonathan would ask me every so often when I'd exhale due to boredom, "contractions?!" I'm pretty sure he was more anxious than I was. He has been for weeks haha.

Monday morning rolled around, bright and early at 445am. I was having contractions and they were strong, but they weren't getting closer together. I figured "today might be the day" so I showered, got my make up on, took a nap, and then when everyone else woke up I even curled my hair haha. I wanted to be prepared and ready (and cute not hideous)! ;) When I was at my appointment on that Thursday (the 11th) I had made one for this Thursday (the 18th) thinking she'd for sure be there by then so I wouldn't really need it. Well, Monday morning I promised Jonathan that if he went on a walk with me around the block, and still nothing had happened, I'd bump my appointment from Thursday to Monday. I got in at 3:15. When we got there we talked about stripping my membranes and if nothing, inducing on Wednesday. As he started the procedure, I started feeling warm and wet (haha sorry TMI) and doc and I both realized at the same time that he broke my water. He then said, "Well, you're definitely having a baby today." We laughed, checked out, went home to grab my hospital stuff and say goodbye to Lydia, then headed for the hospital. After my water broke contractions were way close together, stronger and longer. Boy, did those hurt, but I was able to continue doing things as we checked into the hospital.


Once set up in my room, the nurses came in, started an IV and asked me a zillion questions while I was having contractions. The nurse asking them kept complimenting me on how well I was breathing and managing the pain and asked if I had taken a class. I never have but I knew that the only way to get through them was to breathe and try to focus on something. After a while I just couldn't take it anymore. I began to cry silent tears. Jonathan came over and patted my hair and tried to console me. They were super painful. I never remembered Lydia's being so painful (then I realized later I had had an epidural put in and then they broke my water after so I couldn't feel a thing, nor could I feel the painful contractions afterward). After I REALLY couldn't take the pain anymore and was crying more, the nurse asked me how I was and I told her it just hurt a lot. Then she asked me if I wanted my epidural right then. I said yes. I would've requested it earlier but I thought I was waiting for something?? I shoulda got it earlier! Luckily it was put in in between contractions and started working right away. Oh boy do I love those! I can handle pain up to a certain point, but it's so much nicer being able to relax and enjoy the whole experience. Not to mention all that crying (which may have been a total of 2 minutes) made me extremely exhausted.

Bleh! Okay! Jonathan was taking pictures for "memories." This was before the epidural when I was miserable and I'm trying to shoo him away. I'm crying and laughing because it was ridiculous! I told him to delete this picture but he refuses. I'm only putting it up so you can see how miserable I was here...and then how comfortable I am below haha.
Now.. promptly delete this photo from your mind forever.

pictures taken in the hospital are always SO attractive!

Ohhh yesss..

After that everything sped up real fast. Jonathan went to the cafeteria and I tried resting. My eyes burned from crying and all I wanted to do was sleep, even though I had taken a nap earlier that day and had felt so energized; I was drained. However, I couldn't sleep because the positions I tried getting in kept making the fetal heart monitor turn off and wouldn't pick up a heartbeat which made me and the nurse uncomfortable. We eventually found it but I had to lay on my back. After a few hours the nurse came back in to check my cervix progress. She didn't even have to really check because she could see the head! That was around 8:35pm. She called the doctor and he came right away. They switched the bed up, and got us all prepped for delivery. It was a happy time. Everyone was in a light mood and Doc was making jokes. I was extremely tired and just wanted to sleep but I remember making the comment, "I don't really care.. lemme just pop out the baby and go to sleep." haha! Yeah I was sleepy! They kept telling me to take a breath and push..and then they'd start making a joke and I'd bust out laughing. I finally had to tell them that I couldn't concentrate when they're making me laugh! After a while I heard a little cry, looked down to make SURE it was a girl, felt so relieved, then they put Baby on me in which I said, 'hay there lil slimeball!' haha while they wiped her clean, then Jonathan cut the cord, they took her away to clean her and measure her. Then they gave her back to me and eventually weighed her.

Haha chubby little Asian ;)

First bath!

She was born April 15th at 8:52pm, 8lbs 20 1/2 inches and she is such a sweet baby! She just stared and looked around. So alert. I loved cuddling her. She has been so perfect from the start. She's even been a good eater. I've had no problems with latching or nursing and she eats a lot. She also sleeps really well and half the time I find myself staring at her while she is sleeping or awake just in awe that our bodies can create such beautiful living creatures. She has the funniest personality and makes the cutest faces. I just love it. Jonathan and I are always pausing to smile and laugh at the silly faces she pulls and absolutely adore her when she smiles. She is such a sweetheart.

I am so happy to be a mom all over again with this precious little newborn! I am only saddened that I know she will grow so fast. She is almost a week old. I just want to capture these moments in my heart forever.  

Bonding with Lydia..and Early Morning Thoughts

With finals week, trying to get ahead with my homework and trying to get all ready for the baby I feel like I haven't seen Lydia all day. Ever since General Conference she has been sleeping in and taking late naps which puts her to sleep at night even later. It's a vicious cycle to get rid of, especially when I'm so tired, it makes it hard for me to want to get up either.

Originally she woke up at 6am. I got her back to sleep around 7 and then she slept in until 11am. She was awake for a few hours but I had to get ready for my group meeting at 3. That took 3 long, unexpected hours. By the time I got home she was asleep. After an hour I had to head back to campus to go to my science class at 730 and didn't come home until 9. At about 9:30 I got ready for bed and crashed. I was so exhausted. Basically.. I hadn't had any time to bond with her all day. And I think she noticed. When I told her I was going "ni night" she looked at me with big eyes and said "No!" and put her hand in front of my bedroom door to stop me from shutting it. I wanted to stay up and play but my eyes were begging me to sleep. I slept until 1:15 when Jonathan finally headed to bed and Lydia was crying in her room refusing to sleep. It was my turn.

I then spent the next hour and a half rocking, cuddling, kissing, and singing my little toddler to sleep. I could tell she wasn't going to sleep within 5 minutes, but that bonding time was just what we both needed. I would ask her a few times if she wanted to go to her bed or rock with mommy, and she'd say "No. Mommy." I then also sang her our song, "Baby Mine" a few times. She would frequently switch positions over my protruding belly, as I'm sure it was uncomfortable for the both of us, but she would turn and give my stomach and chest multiple kisses and play with my face while I sung to her as we sat in the dark. She is just the sweetest thing. At about 2:30 she finally fell asleep - the moment I was waiting for - and yet, I couldn't put her back into her bed. I sat staring at her in the dark, wondering how she got so big as I caressed her little baby hands and silky, soft hair, while at the same time worrying that I hope I can balance my time between both girls once Elena joins our family. That is one of my biggest worries! I don't care about labor and delivery..those things will work out.. What I do care about is making sure I don't ignore Lydia with all the demands of a newborn. That scares me so much. I do not want this new, exciting experience to ruin Lydia's love that she has for "Sissy."

Things I Know (About my 21 m/o)

I can't believe how fast time has flown by. I thought it was relatively fast during the summer, or even the past two years, but it has sped on by since being in school. It's a good thing and a bad thing. Every day Jonathan and I realize that Lydia is getting smarter, taller, bigger and less like a baby and more like a little child. Oh how I miss her little babyness! Here are some things I know about my 21 month old!!

I know

One of her most favorite, well-used words is...."NO!".. said either in a soft voice when she means it, an innocent voice just to ruffle our feathers, or a loud shout! When she shouts NO to me I usually shout YES back to her and we do that a few times as a little game. 

When you ask her a question she will either answer you yeah, yish, or no. Usually she knows exactly what she wants.

She is pretty excited for Baby Sis and calls her "Sissy." I think it's adorable considering I have never encouraged her to use Sissy before. She picked that one up on her own.

Her favorite TV show is still Sesame Street with the beloved Elmo as her favorite character, followed closely by Cookie Monster. She is, however, warming up to Grover, Zoey, and Ernie.

She loves the Disney princesses for sure! She watched Sleeping Beauty once and knows who Aurora (or lo-la) is and loves the fact that people dance.

I know

That whenever she's sad she likes to say, "I ky-ing" or I'm crying. Yeah, she likes to milk it sometimes haha!

That her hobbit feet grew 3 sizes in 7 months!! I still can't believe that. Can you imagine if adult's feet grew that fast? We'd have so many shoes.

Some days she is the best eater. Other days she is as picky as can be.

For about a month now she has slept in her own bed ALL through the night. Sometimes she sleeps for 8 hours, sometimes 12. I don't know what finally clicked, because I had tried lots of things (schedules, evening baths, nightlights), but even without any of that she just goes and lays in her bed while I grab her sippy cup and I kiss her goodnight and she goes to sleep without me even being in the room. It is simply put..wonderful. (I just hope nothing changes when Mari moves in for a few weeks before she leaves and/or the baby comes.. yikes!)

She is a techno savvy baby. One of her favorite items, sadly, is the iPad. She knows how to navigate it to get to her baby aps, as well as, access netflix to get to sesame street, and occasionally she clicks on youtube until she finds something related to Elmo. I try to limit her time spent on that because she is a different (read: whiney) baby when I take it away. When she doesn't have it at all she is a happy little child, but once she is given it and it is taken away after a period of time she turns into Oscar the Grouch's cousin. Not fun.

Even though she loves her electronics, she still enjoys a good reading time with Mama. I felt so bad the other day knowing she had spent a lot of time on the ipad that I encouraged her to get as many books as she wanted and I read them all. 

I know

That lately she is trying to avoid my kisses. It kind of breaks my heart. Occasionally though, like last night while she was trying to get comfortable in our bed, she'll reach for my face and bring it close and give me a kiss right on the lips. It melts my heart.

Kitties, puppies, and birdies happen to be her favorite. Her face lights up when she hears them.

She'll sometimes like to help clean up, but she loves the vacuum. Earlier I said, "can you help mommy clean up?" "no!" "Do you wanna vacuum?" "yes!" Haha silly goose.

She loves seeing the fish at the doctor's office and looks for "me-mo" in the tank.

She loves playing with other babies and I've even seen her share toys with them. It makes my heart happy knowing she makes good choices herself.

After she burps she says, "cuu-mee!" We say excuse me after other things, usually forgetting to after burping (forgive us!) so I was surprised to find her do that every time after she burps. She has the best manners. She'll sign "milk" and say please, and then thank you afterward.

She knows lots of words and will copy just about anything you say...watch out! Everyone who is around her tells me that she knows a lot of words for her age, not even being two yet. Makes me proud of my smart little girl. :)

Dearest Elena,

Your father, big sister, and I can hardly wait for your arrival. Each day we wonder if today's the day. We wait in anticipation as we wonder what you will look like, how you will behave and what beautiful characteristics you will possess as you are born and grow into babyhood. We wonder if it will be similar to Lydia's or if you will be completely different. I know you will possess your own unique divine nature and I can't wait to see that shine through.

Elena, I can't wait to hold you. I am in the process of making your blessing dress, a day that I want to always remember. I'm putting a lot of time and effort into this dress and the satisfaction will be beyond perfect when I finally behold my little angel underneath the soft fabric made with my own two hands.

Your sis gives my tummy lots of hugs and kisses and refers to you as "Sissy." She will be a good big sister to you and I hope you both will become best friends in time. She realizes a baby is in my belly, and that you're coming soon, but I know she will fall in love with you as soon as she lays eyes on you as the thought of being a big sister will become more real.

Elena Rosaylnn, you are as perfect to me as each petal compliments the red rose. You are my little rose. I can't wait to meet you and immerse myself in Mommyhood once again. I love you.



Mommy