Perfect Reflections

Wake up, Anna... this is not a dream. Your baby is actually crying.

Wait, what? I thought my baby slept through the night.. (finally).

Oh.. darn teething (probably molars again). It's been making her cranky the past day or two. She has these terrible mood swings - happy one moment, a little stinker the next. Luckily, we have those teething pills or I don't know what I'd do!

I awoke this morning at 6:33am and went to her room. Upon opening the door she was practically screaming "ma!ma!ma!ma!" as if in fright. I picked her up, put her heavy blanket on and walked over to our room and popped some teething tablets in her mouth. I then sat up in bed as she laid on my shoulder and tried to fall back asleep. When I thought she was finally asleep I went to put her back in bed..but she already woke up and began to stand in her crib. I then grabbed her again and thought... well..instead of standing here for 30 minutes hoping she'll fall asleep again, I guess she could try laying in bed with us..I hope I don't have to nurse her to get her to fall back asleep, like usual. I don't even know if I have anything for her.

So I brought her all bundled back in and layed her between both of us with my left arm wrapped underneath her and covered her up with my other hand and got under the covers myself. And she closed her eyes! Oh my, it brought me back to newborn days when, after I'd finish feeding her, she'd be all content and ready to fall asleep and she'd be swaddled so warm in my arms and we'd both fall asleep together, our tummies facing each other. Only this time, I couldn't fall asleep. I was too busy watching her. Watching and thinking.

*A few weeks old*

 She didn't need to nurse anymore. .. For a while a few months ago I was kind of upset that she just wouldn't stop nursing and wished she would just like cow's milk already. I was being selfish and "wanted my body back" for myself. But, after a while I stopped caring about it so much, because I realized it was the only little link connecting me to when she was first born when she needed me so much. I kept trying to force the weaning when, she only began to wean when she was ready. It's weird how much I miss it now. Even over the weekend we ran out of milk and I had to encourage and even bring her to me to nurse just so she'd get some kind of milk.. but it seemed like she didn't want it at first. It made me kind of sad. Luckily she did and then fell asleep so I got to watch her as I cuddled her and it felt so wonderful. This morning, even though I was pretty tired (on 4 hours of sleep), this reflection I had of her cuddling with me as a newborn had helped me turn what could have been a negative moment, into a precious, special one.

 My favorite memories are the ones where I look back on the life of my daughter.

They are always so perfect.

My baby is just growing up so much. We had to wake up at 7:45 to get ready to go shopping at 8 and I just couldn't fall back to sleep before then. I was too busy watching her and making sure she was comfortable, especially since she still kicks her blankets off at night. She even woke up a few times crying..and I was glad to be there to reassure her everything was okay. It just amazes me what a year and 4 months (tomorrow) will do to a little person!

My (other) favorite part of this whole experience, was when the alarm finally went off, I tried getting her up and she was being so silly! She would have a smile on her face with her eyes closed, like, "oh mommy, I want to wake up and play..but give me 5 more minutes please!" She is definitely her father's daughter!! Every time I'd leave her to herself and start to ready myself.. she would lay lazily back down on the pillow and close her eyes and smile. Ohh it is the little things.