With finals week, trying to get ahead with my homework and trying to get all ready for the baby I feel like I haven't seen Lydia all day. Ever since General Conference she has been sleeping in and taking late naps which puts her to sleep at night even later. It's a vicious cycle to get rid of, especially when I'm so tired, it makes it hard for me to want to get up either.
Originally she woke up at 6am. I got her back to sleep around 7 and then she slept in until 11am. She was awake for a few hours but I had to get ready for my group meeting at 3. That took 3 long, unexpected hours. By the time I got home she was asleep. After an hour I had to head back to campus to go to my science class at 730 and didn't come home until 9. At about 9:30 I got ready for bed and crashed. I was so exhausted. Basically.. I hadn't had any time to bond with her all day. And I think she noticed. When I told her I was going "ni night" she looked at me with big eyes and said "No!" and put her hand in front of my bedroom door to stop me from shutting it. I wanted to stay up and play but my eyes were begging me to sleep. I slept until 1:15 when Jonathan finally headed to bed and Lydia was crying in her room refusing to sleep. It was my turn.
I then spent the next hour and a half rocking, cuddling, kissing, and singing my little toddler to sleep. I could tell she wasn't going to sleep within 5 minutes, but that bonding time was just what we both needed. I would ask her a few times if she wanted to go to her bed or rock with mommy, and she'd say "No. Mommy." I then also sang her our song, "Baby Mine" a few times. She would frequently switch positions over my protruding belly, as I'm sure it was uncomfortable for the both of us, but she would turn and give my stomach and chest multiple kisses and play with my face while I sung to her as we sat in the dark. She is just the sweetest thing. At about 2:30 she finally fell asleep - the moment I was waiting for - and yet, I couldn't put her back into her bed. I sat staring at her in the dark, wondering how she got so big as I caressed her little baby hands and silky, soft hair, while at the same time worrying that I hope I can balance my time between both girls once Elena joins our family. That is one of my biggest worries! I don't care about labor and delivery..those things will work out.. What I do care about is making sure I don't ignore Lydia with all the demands of a newborn. That scares me so much. I do not want this new, exciting experience to ruin Lydia's love that she has for "Sissy."
Worrying about the things that you do proves that you're an amazing mother, Anna.
ReplyDeleteIt will take time, of course, for things to even out; for Lydia to understand, for you to learn how to care for two children instead of one.
But you were very committed to learn and adapt when Lydia came along, it'll will be the same with little Elena, but obviously not exactly the same. :]